Six years ago (December 1, 2007 to be exact), Jason and I went through one of the hardest times in our lives. At a routine ten week appointment, my doctor tearfully told us that she couldn’t find our little one’s heartbeat. I remember holding my breath and desperately praying that God would breathe life into the little body that we could see on the ultrasound screen. Later in her office, my sweet doctor fought tears along with us, as she explained that lots of women have miscarriages , and we hadn’t done anything to cause this. Dr. Kennedy assured us that most women go on to have successful pregnancies and that eventually we would have our own sweet little one. I could take you to the exact parking spot at Brookwood where Jason sat holding me as I cried. I kept thinking about all of the hopes and dreams I already had for that little bitty life!
When we went back to church a couple weeks later, I really felt completely lost and hopeless. If you’ve never experienced a miscarriage, I understand that comment sounds completely dramatic. If you have lost a little one, I’m sure you remember being in that place. It’s like everywhere you look, you see pregnant women or sweet little babies or cute baby outfits or the bibs that you had already bought for your little one…….
And then came a sermon that was specifically for Jason and me. Growing up in church, I have heard, literally, thousands of sermons, but this was one that I KNEW was God sending a message to us exactly where we were. The sermon that morning was on Hope……I have to say that I really didn’t want to hear about hope that day, as I fought tears to even stay in the sanctuary…but then I started to listen. Pastor Loper talked about how God gives us what we need, when we need it, and where we need it. (See, I really did listen!) The verse he kept referring to was Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him.” Throughout his sermon, he kept talking about how God is our Hope despite our circumstances. Towards the end of the sermon, Jason leaned over and said, “When we have a little girl, her name will be Hope!” Notice, he said when, not if!! He was completely confident that our dream of a family would be realized.
Fast forward 11 months…….After countless doctor appointments and ultrasounds, we welcomed Brynlee Hope into the world on November 4th, 2008. She wasn’t in a hurry to get here, and like her daddy, she hasn’t been in a hurry since! I remember staring at her when she was born and being amazed that we had been entrusted with her…..I have to say, I felt completely unprepared.
And five years later, I still feel unprepared a lot of days. She is so much like me that it kinda scares me! Her little attitude and smart remarks make me alternate between rolling my eyes and covering my mouth so she doesn’t see me laugh. She’s content to sit and look at books all day and wants to learn everything that she can. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and loves with her whole heart. She hides behind me when she doesn’t know people in a crowd, but loves to be on center stage when she’s around her favorite friends and family. What can I say, she may look like Jason, but she’s my mini-me! A beautiful, hilarious, intelligent blessing that I am incredibly thankful for!
Brynlee, I can’t promise you that your life will be easy, but I can promise you that you will have a family standing behind you and holding you up in prayer. I can’t promise that girls will always be sweet and friendly to you…..actually, it’s more likely that I can promise you that they won’t…but I will always encourage you to “kill them with kindness” and hold on to true friends. I can’t promise that you won’t have your heart broken, but I will be here to provide the ice cream, chick flicks, tissue and a ride to your best friend’s that every girl needs after her first break up.
Sweet girl, you are an amazing blessing! Your Daddy and I love you more than you will ever know…and even better, Jesus loves you even more! Happy 5th birthday, my beautiful Brynlee Hope!!